about my father

Some of my friends are knew why I am in Japan since a year and half ago, some of you even don't know if I've been in japan,,

I've been taking care of my father who got rare sickness called progressive spranuclear palsy which is an uncommon brain disorder that causes serious problems with walking, balance, eye movement, speech and swallowing, People with this are at risk of developing serious complications such as pneumonia, choking, head injury and fractures. As the condition progresses, these complications can cause death.

When our family found out father got this decease, seems it already had passed 1-2 years from the symptoms, I decide to be with him before he can not move completely by himself, so I came back to Japan to stay with him for support him.

I had great time last one year here, I and father have never been close this much except when I was a kid. Because, he was always busy for his business and projects just till 5 years ago, I was away from family since I was 15 years old,,, Thankfully, we could have all the Japanese seasonal events and go around cafe and restaurants, hot spring short trips etc., for last one year, it was not only fun time, also hard time at mentally, emotionally and sometime difficulty of his personality, though, all of those were precious moments and memories after all...

After the new year hot spring trip, we family recognized that he gets weaker and weaker,,, then, he got pneumonia and hospitalized since 4 weeks ago, and he should stop eat since then, docter said he can not eat by mouth any longer. Then, we needed decide if he make hole to stomach to get nutrition, or continue to drip of nutrition, anyhow he will closely die in this choice. It was difficult decision for all of us, though, we decided to not have hole to stomach, determined peaceful death.

It was unexpected happen, because, he was eating normal till that morning when hospitalized, we all thought he will be recover from pneumonia very soon and come back home,,, then, he could not come back from hospital even his pneumonia is gone already,, he lost 10kg weight, getting lost his mind often lately..

Now is the important period of my life and his, us family. Doctor says, most of people will die slowly in a month or depends on persons life force,,, I don't know how much is left his life, seems, he still has power,,, and maybe he can recover even,,,

Though, seems, the day will come soon... and I promised to him when he still has consciousness, I will be with him to entrance of death (to other side)... hold his hand.. he was happy my offer and feels secure with this promise..

I just inform you who English speaker friends who knew my situation or just friends/acquaintances who read this,,,

I am focusing that him to be peace and happy till the end of his life in this world, surrounded by family and love... we can farewell beautifully...

And what I want to tell you most, we never know what will happen tomorrow, and when you feel annoy, boring, too ordinary or usual for someone close to you, something you do everyday,,,,,, it is the time to thankful, appreciate, gratitude, embrace or compassion for this person or things you do or your life.. remind yourself how important those things/person,,,

then, showing them how you care, how much you love, remember how important/love what you do. people are (include myself) often forgot how much important those ordinary boring things/person very close to us,,,

Every feelings are precious,. I'm tearing when I see him, (even see the pictures), but, I am enjoying my feelings,, vulnerability..sorrow,,

and I feel very blessed,, i have several great friends who encouraging me constantly ... I can call freely to them, and they are always there for me,

Thank you so much for reading, and bless you all,,,

holding his hand often in hospital,,, gets weak but, such a beautiful hand,,,,

holding his hand often in hospital,,, gets weak but, such a beautiful hand,,,,