about my father

Some of my friends are knew why I am in Japan since a year and half ago, some of you even don't know if I've been in japan,,

I've been taking care of my father who got rare sickness called progressive spranuclear palsy which is an uncommon brain disorder that causes serious problems with walking, balance, eye movement, speech and swallowing, People with this are at risk of developing serious complications such as pneumonia, choking, head injury and fractures. As the condition progresses, these complications can cause death.

When our family found out father got this decease, seems it already had passed 1-2 years from the symptoms, I decide to be with him before he can not move completely by himself, so I came back to Japan to stay with him for support him.

I had great time last one year here, I and father have never been close this much except when I was a kid. Because, he was always busy for his business and projects just till 5 years ago, I was away from family since I was 15 years old,,, Thankfully, we could have all the Japanese seasonal events and go around cafe and restaurants, hot spring short trips etc., for last one year, it was not only fun time, also hard time at mentally, emotionally and sometime difficulty of his personality, though, all of those were precious moments and memories after all...

After the new year hot spring trip, we family recognized that he gets weaker and weaker,,, then, he got pneumonia and hospitalized since 4 weeks ago, and he should stop eat since then, docter said he can not eat by mouth any longer. Then, we needed decide if he make hole to stomach to get nutrition, or continue to drip of nutrition, anyhow he will closely die in this choice. It was difficult decision for all of us, though, we decided to not have hole to stomach, determined peaceful death.

It was unexpected happen, because, he was eating normal till that morning when hospitalized, we all thought he will be recover from pneumonia very soon and come back home,,, then, he could not come back from hospital even his pneumonia is gone already,, he lost 10kg weight, getting lost his mind often lately..

Now is the important period of my life and his, us family. Doctor says, most of people will die slowly in a month or depends on persons life force,,, I don't know how much is left his life, seems, he still has power,,, and maybe he can recover even,,,

Though, seems, the day will come soon... and I promised to him when he still has consciousness, I will be with him to entrance of death (to other side)... hold his hand.. he was happy my offer and feels secure with this promise..

I just inform you who English speaker friends who knew my situation or just friends/acquaintances who read this,,,

I am focusing that him to be peace and happy till the end of his life in this world, surrounded by family and love... we can farewell beautifully...

And what I want to tell you most, we never know what will happen tomorrow, and when you feel annoy, boring, too ordinary or usual for someone close to you, something you do everyday,,,,,, it is the time to thankful, appreciate, gratitude, embrace or compassion for this person or things you do or your life.. remind yourself how important those things/person,,,

then, showing them how you care, how much you love, remember how important/love what you do. people are (include myself) often forgot how much important those ordinary boring things/person very close to us,,,

Every feelings are precious,. I'm tearing when I see him, (even see the pictures), but, I am enjoying my feelings,, vulnerability..sorrow,,

and I feel very blessed,, i have several great friends who encouraging me constantly ... I can call freely to them, and they are always there for me,

Thank you so much for reading, and bless you all,,,

 holding his hand often in hospital,,, gets weak but, such a beautiful hand,,,,

holding his hand often in hospital,,, gets weak but, such a beautiful hand,,,,

Meditation

I've added meditation work for my daily practices lately, I knew how meditation works logically,  though, I had been meditating just sometimes, not so often.

Now it has been proved how my circumstance are changing, also I am feeling my energy are evolving. And clearly seeing what is going on... as I wished myself re-programming and upgrade, contribute for the world by individual work with own family which epitome of world now and fundamental of society. All I knew it from others words or by my higher-self, though, I'm finally experiencing in this 3D world.

Anyhow, meditation is exactly "making love" with own-self, like making love without physical pleasure with someone, heart creates same energy, that's my concern :)

There are also plenty of music which can support meditation, healing and energy work. It is pretty useful and helping for rise our consciousness.

 

 

 

   

 

Fasting

It was not planed, but, I had felt that I've over ate since I came back my home town where has been called best seafood in Japan, then, I'd just started fast at 3rd day of new year.  After Xmas, Hot spring travel, guests from other places, and new year meals, .. well ,, well,, you know ...

Even, I haven't eat wheat or not much carbohydrate,, though, I did eat sweets with white sugar a few times in last 1~2 months, over ate seafood, food additive.. etc.. OMG...

I just wanted to rest my organs for one day, but, I felt very good on next day, and those feelings kept me continue to do .. 2nd day and 3rd day passed, being without food made me realized so many things...

When I was doing yoga, I noticed how much fat I had, where came from the pain ... I was feeling light, good, clear, more and more each morning,,,... then,,,,,,,,I was enjoying those sensations,

I did fast for 7days, the end.

After 7 days fast, I took time for recovering for 2weeks, I've kept train for my muscles, yoga, and taking super foods since my breaking fast meal,

And my food habit returns to natural hygiene and into more super foods,,, actually enjoy making raw sweets lately... 

if I put super foods inside of my raw sweets, it become just like energy ball, efficient food, ,, then I love it to have for my breakfast... or for my snack, 

Anyway, fasting is great reset method, I highly recommend you.

 

 

Raw Coconut Milk Cake..









Birthday

Today is my birthday .. and I am now in my hometown where I was born, with my father,

Actually, I decided to back in home for a while, for taking care of my father who incurable sickness ( this ill's process is very slow). it will be only chance to spend some time or years with him this close, and important for me to service for my father who raised me.

it is meaningful day,, not the party, not the adventure, having fun which I used to do at the birthday, instead , acting my appreciation for him,

So, it is my new start.. new stage ...  drawing my new vision, also... I am already excited what I can learn here and in this period... !

and last,,, Thank you for your birthday wishes,,,  lovely to receive lot of messages,,, it made me warm,, and happy,,, Thank you for thinking of me,,  I wish you healthy and happy and love..








My ex Boyfriend just Passed Away..

My EX boy friend just passed away 4 days ago by motorcycle accident in far country Kyrygzstan where I've never heard before. When accident happened, he airlifted to capital city from remote area of this country, then, doctor stabilized him a week days and nights, then, he's gone,,,
It is very difficult to believe for me that he is not in this world anymore…

We were together in 2003 to 2004 based in San Francisco, I must say that most of strong emotions which human being could have, were brought by him.. I think because, we both were like freedom birds,  somehow spoiled and self centered for good and bad means,,,, Though we made lot of fun adventures, camping, festivals, travels etc. And we were a good team,, ,, Also, luckily we both had time to do those things fully…

I look back that period, I consider that those experiences trained me to do tough travels alone, and I had been close with wild nature. I got enough abilities to live in overseas counties.

Unfortunately,  we split in very bad way, and I couldn't be nice to him after many years, my close friends and he's at that time, know what happened. Then he kept showed me his good faith,  we slowly connected via Facebook and he told me that he was making school for orphans,,it totally changed my idea of him.

So, we finally catch up nicely in Hungary airport last year, he came to see me after my gig in Hungary before returning to Ibiza, chatted a hour, was fun and meaningful time. Well,,,, I clearly remembered I took his photos before the security, and say to him " Matane" see you in Japanese which one of  a few Japanese words he knows,  he used said to me when we were together. I still can hear his voice in my ears...

I'd never know it was my last seen of him…

Right after this meeting,,, he helped me for important issue of my life,,,it was something that cleans our karma, he was saying, this is his tern to help me, I was so amazed how life is unexpectedness,  brings full of good surprises,,

I was enjoying to check his photos on Facebook more,,, (his one of hobbies was taking photos) he was keep doing adventure South Asia, India, North Africa, recently, Himalaya..
I was also glad to see these days that he was with lovely girlfriend who could make adventure together,  but now,,,, she was left,,, how she feels ,,, I am sorry for her,,, sincerely ..condolence.


He was too young to die,,, he was just 45 years old, It's not fair,,though at same time,  I feel this is very much him….

He lived fully, go to see where he wanted to see, go to be where he wanted to be,  followed his desire unlimited……. For sure,, he was surrounded by breathtaking views of remote area when accident happened,, ,,,, (hope so… at least…. I haven't ask details..  )


Life is short, and we've never know how it will be tomorrow, or next moment.  There is no time for negative thoughts or actions, I appreciate that we made our friendship again before he's gone,,
 
He showed me what life is..
I considered, what happiness is, what friendship is, what world is, what love is, What freedom is….


David ,, Now, you turned to golden shining light and unconditional love,, I will see what I want to see… I am feeling what I want to feel. When I see beautiful sun, moon, stars, wild nature, or when I feel the earth, I will remember of you, it's my memorial service and love for you..    you know that..

Thank you for your life.  

Buckwheat Bread (Gluten Free) Recipe

I am asked by several people for this bread recipe.
This bread is gluten free, but it's not vegan, please notice.

Anyway here is recipe


A 2tsp dry yeast
    2tsp Sugar (for activate yeast)
    350cc warm water  (30~35 ℃)

put A all together , wait 10 min, you smell yeast.

B 500g buckwheat flour
    1tsp Salt
    add some nuts or seeds if you like,  and mix them
  

C  2 eggs
     1 tsp Vinegar (don't effect for taste, don't worry)
    2 tbsp vegetable oil
Mix them
 
put vegetable oil thinly for  inside of 21cmX11cm cake(bread) pan

 
mix A+B+C all together with rubber spatula, mix well till dough became smooth,  
put it to pan, then drop it a few times (for air out).

covered it by vinyl, then keep it at warm (40℃ ) place till fermented and swell well. 

bake 25~30 min in the 220 ℃ oven

 to refer skewer etc,, if it comes with nothing, its done.

remove  a bread from the pan, and brush vegetable oil( I use coconuts oil) for flavor

 

gluten free bread


Hope you success and enjoy!



No Pain, No Gain

Just one of my brother sent me link where he was, he was treated whole month by blind healer, Doctor Saad from Thailand. I went to link, seeing, just start read his profile,,,,, there is his favorite saying..

No Pain, No Gain

wow,,,,, so impressive, so true!  I'm suddenly understanding what was my pain for... and realized I have been avoiding trouble or problems.... not sure if I am avoiding pain,, 

When we feel pain..? when we lost someone whom we really love...don't we?  We've never lose anyone, we've never got anyone in the spiritual world, yes, sure,,,, though, in reality ( you know I mean ;) don't tell me what is reality) we lose our parents, friends, partners, lovers, pets, sometime children by death or something,,,,

what else..?  when we lost trust etc,,,?  anyway, when we are into deep relationship with someone, there is fear, joy, happiness, anger, sorrow, pleasure, we feel emotions a lot either negative, positive... probably, we are often scared into deep relations after the big pain,, after the lost feeling,,

I feel great when I discover this words today, I could fully accept how I felt in my past, what I had, that's why now I am....  and I am OK when I have pain in my life, I will remember this words and will accept pain for my gain,,, 

and will say yes to life whatever comes.. I just wanted share with you this words today..

 


 


   


finally back in home,,,

Since I came back in Ibiza, my car was in garage, then, I was staying at friend's house for almost 2 weeks.. It was blissful time ,, shared our meals, drove to shop or parties, enjoying flowers, beach and stars.. pick up friends kid as a part of family..

My car is fixed, and finally I came back to my own house last evening, and now I am enjoying my own time.. start create and expanding idea for next project...

Anyway,,,, I love party music, though, when I back here in my home studio,,, ambient music are magnet to me... and simply I melt in sound wave of beauty,,,,plus birds singing are made me peace... 

 

I love this life,,,,  

 

IMG_0778.JPG




Atlantis in Ibiza

I just went beach called Atlants,  for my friend birthday. Atlantis was secret beach long time ago, now, all the tourist know about. There is beautiful Buddha paint on the way down to the beach, some years ago, some idiots made graffiti on it, and all the sensible residents gathered and wiped away.   Also, I saw trash and cigarette butts etc, .

For this reason, I want to hide all those secret beaches from tourists, but, people release guide books or announce all those other secret beaches by web etc,  I want to be open and share beauty with people, though,... 

please... respect nature around you.. 

Anyway, our visited to Atlantis this time, was an amazing... :) Enjoy rock and swim in beautiful blue sea water.. was blessed...




How to make you good vibe

When you want to make yourself good mood or good vibe, just simply listen your favorite music,  we humans are made by atoms which is vibration, it's wave,, not particle, Music is also wave, vibration.. So, vibration of sound affect the cells of your body, Each wave atom will change the electrical of brain also, whole body, change your vibe,

If there is pooled water, make water listen the music.. and you go into the water, it will be more powerful effective to change your vibe,,  

It's easy,, and feel good right?  :)

 


 


Spring Equinox in Japan

I visited mother's cemetery with my father today, very warm sunny day.

People go to pray for our ancestors at Equinox in Japan, and even it's national holiday,,

My father is getting old and got incurable sickness,, getting difficult to walk now,,

So, seems like, it was our last chance to go out for cemetery together..

I have drove his car, as he can not drive anymore since a few years ago,,

we went to cafe after the visit,, had cappuccino together.

It's just very simple thing we did,,, though, I will never forget this precious day......

 

I remember that our old day... i was 5~6 years old,,

He love the car, he had have always stylish car in his life and drove me to the coast and went to cafe by the sea, ordered to me something parfait,, ;)  now, our role have changed,,,

Some point, especially when mother passed away,, I hated him, he was very difficult man for the mother and people around him.. and still,,, he is not such a good man or ideal father.. though, when I understand spirit, choose our parents by ourselves, and there is strong soul connection and could learn or growth compassion,..

more easy and feel good with soul family friends who more understanding,,, or,,,with spiritual beings, 

but, now, I want to be with him, like little girl

and make him laugh,, make him good mood, show him my appreciation like older soul than him,,,

 

2015 spring equinox,,, I will never forget this day,,,,

 

 

 

 

 

New Moon Wish

 It's new moon, eclipse and equinox at same time today,,,

for sure, we are effected by this such a powerful event..

I have felt peace and calm in my heart all day today,

I am happy I could start for new cycle with this feeling, good vibe,

I feel I found the way to BEING courteously,

well,,,

 

I made new moon wishes as a meditation, ritual,,,blessing,,,

Hope you have meaningful happy night,, and day...



Gluten Free Bread

I baked gluten free bread today, first time,,

I am avoiding gluten,,,, and normally I eat little bit of rice,, or mill etc other grains, also use rice paper for lap, pancake by buckwheat flour..etc.. ideally, I want to use almond or coconuts flours, but, it's expensive in Japan, & Ibiza,,, 

Today I use these ingredients below,,, and baked 30min/190C after fermentation,,

buckwheat flour 350g + Rice flour 150g + salt 1tbs

dry east 2ts  + coconuts sugar 2ts + water 350cc

2eggs + vegetable oil 2tbs + vinegar 2ts

I want to try next time with almond flower and more eggs for paleo bread!