Just returned from Oregon Eclipse festival

Just came back from Oregon eclipse festival and I want to say it was my best festival in my entire life, it was like my favorite festivals in the world- boom, burning man and eclipse fes all together, massive production, super well made stages, infrastructures, programs for music and culture, lot of friends from Japan, California, festival tribes were gathered and reunited What can be better than this festival for my life..

and total eclipse was no words, tears came from core of heart, never cried this much before, even this was my seventh total eclipse, and effected strongly , emotional after while, still I cry just from remembering ..

Definitely my father sprit was with me, and when someone mentioning about my father, he was fulfilled by their warm words and hugs... and cried from love..

Thank you so much for all of you to read this and supports,,, This photo from my balloon trip on the morning of eclipse day... I and dad wanted see the size of this festival and it was unforgettable ...

and my DJ set was at Earth stage, where feminine, divine, sensual cool design and quit big, 4 japanese dancers joined to my stage and it was beautiful,,,I enjoyed so much,

my DJ set at https://www.mixcloud.com/djblackmoon/oregon-eclipse-earth-stage-dj-mix/

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my father's death

My father passed away on Monday 24th/ July

I could not to be there with him for his last breath, actually even close family member could not make it, either. They were staying with him till 16:00 at hospital, and left for preparation for the night. Then, brother was unexpectedly called to come back hospital at 16:30, but, when he arrived there 16:44, father already passed at 16:40....

When I got news that he gets an another pneumonia and water in his lungs, I was in the festival in alps, Switzerland for DJ on Saturday.

Family member was told by doctor, if he could pass through this unstable condition, he may be ok another one or two months, or maybe just a week, etc. so, it was quite not sure how he gonna be, and we all thought, it's not that emergency.

I left festival Saturday midnight for my flight to ibiza as I scheduled. And on my way back, I booked flight ticket to Japan which leaving Tuesday early morning, I needed to manage my things in ibiza and packed for travel to Japan but, not sure how long.

Then, I rest that night on Sunday, after the sleepless night travel from the festival. I woke up Monday morning, I still needed rest and was staying in the bed,,, then got shocking message from brother.

"Called by doctor ! Going to hospital!! "

After ten minutes next message ,,

"He's gone... "

!!!!!!!

Luckily my loved one next me, and told him, my father died,,, he was also shocked. he kindly hold me, then, I cried for a while.

" He didn't wait me? I should back Japan from the festival direct ! "

When I start regret,,, I felt ..... my father made sure that his precious daughter is in her lover's arm when she got saddest news in her life , instead hold his hand when he passed over... wow...... such a great father... always children is first priority and I felt appreciations.

I see more clearly it was surely his arrangement after I came back Japan. I had most tightest transits time all the way to family house from airport, because, my flight from Spain delayed, Etc. then had to rearranged all, run air plain to train and next train, and it was almost miracle I could make it on time for his funeral.

His buddha face departed body was beautiful, like a doll, but so skinny,,,, but in peace ,,, surrounded by tons of flowers, many people came to farewell. Japanese funeral process like 24hours for family members. so I'm deadly tired... but looking back my last a year and half life with him...

I must say, nursing parents were great opportunity and special gift.. it's not easy, but worth to did, And I'm so happy I did it.. both for mother and father. Mede me better person and I want to thank my father to gave me this experience.

He told me long time ago,, "Hideyo, there is no perfect, you never reach perfect, but you must try to be/do perfect. "

It was such a long journey,, and yes sometime I had been in difficult time with my father,, and often I needed support from my good close friends, though all of those are turned to good memories, and surely, there are more good memories with his charming funny and cool personality as well. And some part of me still can't believe he's gone,, thinking he is here in our living room as he was like a year ago... and calling me.

Last.... thank you so much all of you whom caring of me and us... thank you so much warm comments and messages for my FB post, made me cry with pleasure... thank you so much read this...

Namaste...

the sun rise from airplane when I left ibiza to Japan..

the sun rise from airplane when I left ibiza to Japan..

HOME

I must inform you about my father, some of you guys may be wondered about it since my last blog,

Actually, he’s been still here! Although he lives just with drip of nutrition.

He gets skinnier day by day, surely not recovering, just he has life force, and he seems very calm and in peace, not loosing himself yet, but, his mind is getting close to baby child.

We were ready to farewell, and faced to fact which loosing both parents.. (we lost our mother almost 17years ago. )

Anyway, a few weeks ago, we had to move hospital, because, his pneumonia was gone, and that hospital does not allow person to be their patient without any sickness. So we had to move to another type of hospital where does medical care and nursing support for old people etc.

After we moved in this hospital, we were starting felt, he may not pass so soon than expected at previous hospital.

Then, I asked one of nurse, how she considers,

She said, there are people whom could survive half year or even 1 year just with drip. (!!!) And he is very strong and his blood vessel smoothly taking needle still, So, how she feels, he can live 3 months, even more, .. just she can not say exactly, ( sure, I understand no one can expect span of life, and shouldn’t do it in her position)

and doctor also said, if he (my father) doesn’t get any sickness, such as pneumonia, etc. then, death cause senility, then, he would not die in a few months, and doctor also mentioned to me that I better go back to my life, because, we don’t know how long he will live more. And don’t need to stick with him and wait he passes. Anyway, if father can not take needle of drip, there is more step as subcutaneous drip which could give life a week or more even a month….I can spend some time with him at house as we wished, unless emergency happening.

I want to close with him, but, same time, surely, I want to go back to my life. I’d been stressed out sometime end of last year by nursing my father.. already I dedicated my life more than one year and half…. That’s probably enough for now, and I will dedicate more time when he will be passing away and taking care things of him later, anyway…

And,,

I am here alone in the house, I can not call home here any more,, because, father, house keeper and brother whom visiting every morning are not here anymore,,,, this is just father’s house now,,

Home is where family are.. person is the key, not the house, not the place… those are following after.

Yes, I know that "home is where I am now and here",,,

but well,,, this definition is just in the spiritual field for me now, and I’ve been visiting many places alone, and luckily I was welcomed by friends, beautiful people or enjoyed totally new places as a stranger, and I always enjoyed everywhere I go and feels home, had bases in Tokyo and Ibiza till year and half ago. I had 3 places I could go back and could say home, but, last several years, I was not feeling that was my home exactly, it was just the places where my things are,,

Surely, it was lack of person in my place as feel home, I was living alone so many years, I can not say "Tadaima" ( “I’m back in home ! “ In Japanese , says to family ) and no one answer "Okaeri"(“welcome back home” in Japanese ) those typical Japanese family things were missing in my life so many years, except coming back to this fathers house. Anyway I loved to be alone most of the time, and I was arranging how I could be alone,,,, preferred to be alone for free choices for everything.. blast anytime I want to, wake up and go to bed , eat, anytime I want to, however I want to…

When I decide come back to father for help him, it was easy for me to change where I live, because, everywhere I go, I do same things, and If I am in need for someone important, why not to do…

Then, one year & half life in here made my perspective of life changed. I can not blast whenever I want to,,,, but, family members energy support my routine goes well, eat more fun and good, life became more colorful… deal with my uncomfortable emotions and stress for them were made me wiser, stronger, there were more opportunity to growth, to be master of myself.

Deal with people are not easy for me who lived so many years alone, but I feel I opened new door of “living life together”

I want to make my home, with someone who I can truly love, and find a place where I can be myself, I can invite friends who I can feel family,, Ideally, before he passes,

I am thinking why his sprit stops to go other side, it maybe that he doesn’t secure to leave me alone here, his precious daughter needs home, if he passes now, she become homeless ;) ( I won’t be homeless in physically, though, in mentally…)

well,,,, my father said to me long time ago,

'Hideyo, you can go around, that’s because, you have home here..'

He knows,,,,,

Hope, everybody have warm home where family are waiting and coming back and those beautiful words are repeating every day here and there,,,, Tadaima, ,,,,,, Okaerinasai,,, welcome home,,!

So,,,, anyway, he still alive,, and thank you for your messages and warm words,

namaste..

my favorite family photo..

my favorite family photo..

about my father

Some of my friends are knew why I am in Japan since a year and half ago, some of you even don't know if I've been in japan,,

I've been taking care of my father who got rare sickness called progressive spranuclear palsy which is an uncommon brain disorder that causes serious problems with walking, balance, eye movement, speech and swallowing, People with this are at risk of developing serious complications such as pneumonia, choking, head injury and fractures. As the condition progresses, these complications can cause death.

When our family found out father got this decease, seems it already had passed 1-2 years from the symptoms, I decide to be with him before he can not move completely by himself, so I came back to Japan to stay with him for support him.

I had great time last one year here, I and father have never been close this much except when I was a kid. Because, he was always busy for his business and projects just till 5 years ago, I was away from family since I was 15 years old,,, Thankfully, we could have all the Japanese seasonal events and go around cafe and restaurants, hot spring short trips etc., for last one year, it was not only fun time, also hard time at mentally, emotionally and sometime difficulty of his personality, though, all of those were precious moments and memories after all...

After the new year hot spring trip, we family recognized that he gets weaker and weaker,,, then, he got pneumonia and hospitalized since 4 weeks ago, and he should stop eat since then, docter said he can not eat by mouth any longer. Then, we needed decide if he make hole to stomach to get nutrition, or continue to drip of nutrition, anyhow he will closely die in this choice. It was difficult decision for all of us, though, we decided to not have hole to stomach, determined peaceful death.

It was unexpected happen, because, he was eating normal till that morning when hospitalized, we all thought he will be recover from pneumonia very soon and come back home,,, then, he could not come back from hospital even his pneumonia is gone already,, he lost 10kg weight, getting lost his mind often lately..

Now is the important period of my life and his, us family. Doctor says, most of people will die slowly in a month or depends on persons life force,,, I don't know how much is left his life, seems, he still has power,,, and maybe he can recover even,,,

Though, seems, the day will come soon... and I promised to him when he still has consciousness, I will be with him to entrance of death (to other side)... hold his hand.. he was happy my offer and feels secure with this promise..

I just inform you who English speaker friends who knew my situation or just friends/acquaintances who read this,,,

I am focusing that him to be peace and happy till the end of his life in this world, surrounded by family and love... we can farewell beautifully...

And what I want to tell you most, we never know what will happen tomorrow, and when you feel annoy, boring, too ordinary or usual for someone close to you, something you do everyday,,,,,, it is the time to thankful, appreciate, gratitude, embrace or compassion for this person or things you do or your life.. remind yourself how important those things/person,,,

then, showing them how you care, how much you love, remember how important/love what you do. people are (include myself) often forgot how much important those ordinary boring things/person very close to us,,,

Every feelings are precious,. I'm tearing when I see him, (even see the pictures), but, I am enjoying my feelings,, vulnerability..sorrow,,

and I feel very blessed,, i have several great friends who encouraging me constantly ... I can call freely to them, and they are always there for me,

Thank you so much for reading, and bless you all,,,

holding his hand often in hospital,,, gets weak but, such a beautiful hand,,,,

holding his hand often in hospital,,, gets weak but, such a beautiful hand,,,,

Meditation

I've added meditation work for my daily practices lately, I knew how meditation works logically,  though, I had been meditating just sometimes, not so often.

Now it has been proved how my circumstance are changing, also I am feeling my energy are evolving. And clearly seeing what is going on... as I wished myself re-programming and upgrade, contribute for the world by individual work with own family which epitome of world now and fundamental of society. All I knew it from others words or by my higher-self, though, I'm finally experiencing in this 3D world.

Anyhow, meditation is exactly "making love" with own-self, like making love without physical pleasure with someone, heart creates same energy, that's my concern :)

There are also plenty of music which can support meditation, healing and energy work. It is pretty useful and helping for rise our consciousness.

 

 

 

   

 

Fasting

It was not planed, but, I had felt that I've over ate since I came back my home town where has been called best seafood in Japan, then, I'd just started fast at 3rd day of new year.  After Xmas, Hot spring travel, guests from other places, and new year meals, .. well ,, well,, you know ...

Even, I haven't eat wheat or not much carbohydrate,, though, I did eat sweets with white sugar a few times in last 1~2 months, over ate seafood, food additive.. etc.. OMG...

I just wanted to rest my organs for one day, but, I felt very good on next day, and those feelings kept me continue to do .. 2nd day and 3rd day passed, being without food made me realized so many things...

When I was doing yoga, I noticed how much fat I had, where came from the pain ... I was feeling light, good, clear, more and more each morning,,,... then,,,,,,,,I was enjoying those sensations,

I did fast for 7days, the end.

After 7 days fast, I took time for recovering for 2weeks, I've kept train for my muscles, yoga, and taking super foods since my breaking fast meal,

And my food habit returns to natural hygiene and into more super foods,,, actually enjoy making raw sweets lately... 

if I put super foods inside of my raw sweets, it become just like energy ball, efficient food, ,, then I love it to have for my breakfast... or for my snack, 

Anyway, fasting is great reset method, I highly recommend you.

 

 

Raw Coconut Milk Cake..









Birthday

Today is my birthday .. and I am now in my hometown where I was born, with my father,

Actually, I decided to back in home for a while, for taking care of my father who incurable sickness ( this ill's process is very slow). it will be only chance to spend some time or years with him this close, and important for me to service for my father who raised me.

it is meaningful day,, not the party, not the adventure, having fun which I used to do at the birthday, instead , acting my appreciation for him,

So, it is my new start.. new stage ...  drawing my new vision, also... I am already excited what I can learn here and in this period... !

and last,,, Thank you for your birthday wishes,,,  lovely to receive lot of messages,,, it made me warm,, and happy,,, Thank you for thinking of me,,  I wish you healthy and happy and love..








My ex Boyfriend just Passed Away...

My EX boy friend just passed away 4 days ago by motorcycle accident in far country Kyrygzstan where I've never heard before. When accident happened, he airlifted to capital city from remote area of this country, then, doctor stabilized him a week days and nights, then, he's gone,,,
It is very difficult to believe for me that he is not in this world anymore…

We were together in 2003 to 2004 based in San Francisco, I must say that most of strong emotions which human being could have, were brought by him.. I think because, we both were like freedom birds,  somehow spoiled and self centered for good and bad means,,,, Though we made lot of fun adventures, camping, festivals, travels etc. And we were a good team,, ,, Also, luckily we both had time to do those things fully…

I look back that period, I consider that those experiences trained me to do tough travels alone, and I had been close with wild nature. I got enough abilities to live in overseas counties.

Unfortunately,  we split in very bad way, and I couldn't be nice to him after many years, my close friends and he's at that time, know what happened. Then he kept showed me his good faith,  we slowly connected via Facebook and he told me that he was making school for orphans,,it totally changed my idea of him.

So, we finally catch up nicely in Hungary airport last year, he came to see me after my gig in Hungary before returning to Ibiza, chatted a hour, was fun and meaningful time. Well,,,, I clearly remembered I took his photos before the security, and say to him " Matane" see you in Japanese which one of  a few Japanese words he knows,  he used said to me when we were together. I still can hear his voice in my ears...

I'd never know it was my last seen of him…

Right after this meeting,,, he helped me for important issue of my life,,,it was something that cleans our karma, he was saying, this is his tern to help me, I was so amazed how life is unexpectedness,  brings full of good surprises,,

I was enjoying to check his photos on Facebook more,,, (his one of hobbies was taking photos) he was keep doing adventure South Asia, India, North Africa, recently, Himalaya..
I was also glad to see these days that he was with lovely girlfriend who could make adventure together,  but now,,,, she was left,,, how she feels ,,, I am sorry for her,,, sincerely ..condolence.


He was too young to die,,, he was just 45 years old, It's not fair,,though at same time,  I feel this is very much him….

He lived fully, go to see where he wanted to see, go to be where he wanted to be,  followed his desire unlimited……. For sure,, he was surrounded by breathtaking views of remote area when accident happened,, ,,,, (hope so… at least…. I haven't ask details..  )


Life is short, and we've never know how it will be tomorrow, or next moment.  There is no time for negative thoughts or actions, I appreciate that we made our friendship again before he's gone,,
 
He showed me what life is..
I considered, what happiness is, what friendship is, what world is, what love is, What freedom is….


David ,, Now, you turned to golden shining light and unconditional love,, I will see what I want to see… I am feeling what I want to feel. When I see beautiful sun, moon, stars, wild nature, or when I feel the earth, I will remember of you, it's my memorial service and love for you..    you know that..

Thank you for your life.  

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Buckwheat Bread (Gluten Free) Recipe

I am asked by several people for this bread recipe.
This bread is gluten free, but it's not vegan, please notice.

Anyway here is recipe


A 2tsp dry yeast
    2tsp Sugar (for activate yeast)
    350cc warm water  (30~35 ℃)

put A all together , wait 10 min, you smell yeast.

B 500g buckwheat flour
    1tsp Salt
    add some nuts or seeds if you like,  and mix them
  

C  2 eggs
     1 tsp Vinegar (don't effect for taste, don't worry)
    2 tbsp vegetable oil
Mix them
 
put vegetable oil thinly for  inside of 21cmX11cm cake(bread) pan

 
mix A+B+C all together with rubber spatula, mix well till dough became smooth,  
put it to pan, then drop it a few times (for air out).

covered it by vinyl, then keep it at warm (40℃ ) place till fermented and swell well. 

bake 25~30 min in the 220 ℃ oven

 to refer skewer etc,, if it comes with nothing, its done.

remove  a bread from the pan, and brush vegetable oil( I use coconuts oil) for flavor

 

gluten free bread


Hope you success and enjoy!



No Pain, No Gain

Just one of my brother sent me link where he was, he was treated whole month by blind healer, Doctor Saad from Thailand. I went to link, seeing, just start read his profile,,,,, there is his favorite saying..

No Pain, No Gain

wow,,,,, so impressive, so true!  I'm suddenly understanding what was my pain for... and realized I have been avoiding trouble or problems.... not sure if I am avoiding pain,, 

When we feel pain..? when we lost someone whom we really love...don't we?  We've never lose anyone, we've never got anyone in the spiritual world, yes, sure,,,, though, in reality ( you know I mean ;) don't tell me what is reality) we lose our parents, friends, partners, lovers, pets, sometime children by death or something,,,,

what else..?  when we lost trust etc,,,?  anyway, when we are into deep relationship with someone, there is fear, joy, happiness, anger, sorrow, pleasure, we feel emotions a lot either negative, positive... probably, we are often scared into deep relations after the big pain,, after the lost feeling,,

I feel great when I discover this words today, I could fully accept how I felt in my past, what I had, that's why now I am....  and I am OK when I have pain in my life, I will remember this words and will accept pain for my gain,,, 

and will say yes to life whatever comes.. I just wanted share with you this words today..

 


 


   


finally back in home,,,

Since I came back in Ibiza, my car was in garage, then, I was staying at friend's house for almost 2 weeks.. It was blissful time ,, shared our meals, drove to shop or parties, enjoying flowers, beach and stars.. pick up friends kid as a part of family..

My car is fixed, and finally I came back to my own house last evening, and now I am enjoying my own time.. start create and expanding idea for next project...

Anyway,,,, I love party music, though, when I back here in my home studio,,, ambient music are magnet to me... and simply I melt in sound wave of beauty,,,,plus birds singing are made me peace... 

 

I love this life,,,,  

 

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Atlantis in Ibiza

I just went beach called Atlants,  for my friend birthday. Atlantis was secret beach long time ago, now, all the tourist know about. There is beautiful Buddha paint on the way down to the beach, some years ago, some idiots made graffiti on it, and all the sensible residents gathered and wiped away.   Also, I saw trash and cigarette butts etc, .

For this reason, I want to hide all those secret beaches from tourists, but, people release guide books or announce all those other secret beaches by web etc,  I want to be open and share beauty with people, though,... 

please... respect nature around you.. 

Anyway, our visited to Atlantis this time, was an amazing... :) Enjoy rock and swim in beautiful blue sea water.. was blessed...




How to make you good vibe

When you want to make yourself good mood or good vibe, just simply listen your favorite music,  we humans are made by atoms which is vibration, it's wave,, not particle, Music is also wave, vibration.. So, vibration of sound affect the cells of your body, Each wave atom will change the electrical of brain also, whole body, change your vibe,

If there is pooled water, make water listen the music.. and you go into the water, it will be more powerful effective to change your vibe,,  

It's easy,, and feel good right?  :)

 


 


Spring Equinox in Japan

I visited mother's cemetery with my father today, very warm sunny day.

People go to pray for our ancestors at Equinox in Japan, and even it's national holiday,,

My father is getting old and got incurable sickness,, getting difficult to walk now,,

So, seems like, it was our last chance to go out for cemetery together..

I have drove his car, as he can not drive anymore since a few years ago,,

we went to cafe after the visit,, had cappuccino together.

It's just very simple thing we did,,, though, I will never forget this precious day......

 

I remember that our old day... i was 5~6 years old,,

He love the car, he had have always stylish car in his life and drove me to the coast and went to cafe by the sea, ordered to me something parfait,, ;)  now, our role have changed,,,

Some point, especially when mother passed away,, I hated him, he was very difficult man for the mother and people around him.. and still,,, he is not such a good man or ideal father.. though, when I understand spirit, choose our parents by ourselves, and there is strong soul connection and could learn or growth compassion,..

more easy and feel good with soul family friends who more understanding,,, or,,,with spiritual beings, 

but, now, I want to be with him, like little girl

and make him laugh,, make him good mood, show him my appreciation like older soul than him,,,

 

2015 spring equinox,,, I will never forget this day,,,,

 

 

 

 

 

New Moon Wish

 It's new moon, eclipse and equinox at same time today,,,

for sure, we are effected by this such a powerful event..

I have felt peace and calm in my heart all day today,

I am happy I could start for new cycle with this feeling, good vibe,

I feel I found the way to BEING courteously,

well,,,

 

I made new moon wishes as a meditation, ritual,,,blessing,,,

Hope you have meaningful happy night,, and day...



Gluten Free Bread

I baked gluten free bread today, first time,,

I am avoiding gluten,,,, and normally I eat little bit of rice,, or mill etc other grains, also use rice paper for lap, pancake by buckwheat flour..etc.. ideally, I want to use almond or coconuts flours, but, it's expensive in Japan, & Ibiza,,, 

Today I use these ingredients below,,, and baked 30min/190C after fermentation,,

buckwheat flour 350g + Rice flour 150g + salt 1tbs

dry east 2ts  + coconuts sugar 2ts + water 350cc

2eggs + vegetable oil 2tbs + vinegar 2ts

I want to try next time with almond flower and more eggs for paleo bread!